I Heart Pinterest

Oh Pinterest, you’re always there for me during those 5 am feedings. And after seeing several baby-with-christmas-lights photos, I enlisted my awesome soon-to-be sister-in-law to recreate them. (Phew, could there BE any more hyphens? Anyway…)

And they look awesome. Even better than many of the ones out there, I might dare say (not that I’m biased). Take a look, and pin it if you like it!

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I Swear, I Used to Have Standards: The Food and Drink Edition

As I sit here, eating a leftover Baby Mum-Mum and drinking warm, flat pop, I can’t help but think: man, I really used to have standards.

First of all, I now buy everything at Walmart, because nothing sucks worse than having to get your kid into and out of the car seat/stroller a zillion times to buy all your groceries/ toiletries/ Christmas gifts…except maybe Walmart produce…

I’ve been a Starbucks junkie since corduroy pants were cool, but there’s no drive-thru location nearby and it can be a pain in the arse to drag the munchkin in. Now, I will drive twice as far to the Tim Hortons (eh?) or McDonalds drive thru just to avoid doing so. And speaking of coffee, everything I order past noon has to be decaf, otherwise I’m dealing with a crazy, jacked-up baby until midnight. Have you tasted a decaf latte? It’s like giving a Canadian a bottle of Bud.

Oh, and don’t forget, you either chug your coffee down while it’s burning hot because you know any second he’s gonna have a meltdown, or he’s already freaking out and your drink is cold by the time you settle him down.

Same goes for food. I used to be able taste food. Now I just shove it down when he lets me, which is usually half an hour after its been served. Nothing says delicious like congealed gravy on cold turkey. Awesome.

If he wasn’t a baby, I would say he’s kind of a jerk…

Don’t you just love it when you’re trying to feed your baby and he:

a) grabs parts of your face and squeezes as hard as he can;

b) gives you a wet willy;

c) rips your glasses off your face and hits you with them. Repeatedly. While laughing.

I apologize to future schoolmates for somehow creating the playground bully.

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A Tale of Two Boobs (and a Hungry Baby)

When I was pregnant, many moms told me that breastfeeding was hard, and of course I would nod and think I understood.

I had no idea.

I thought I was prepared: I had read books (ok, so I mostly Googled, but there were illustrations and videos and everything!), but there is no Google in my womb, so when munchkin came out, we found ourselves fumbling along to a dance we only kinda knew the steps to.

I was optimistic; after all, people warned me about this. And after a few tries and with the help of a lactation consultant, he was on the boob and doing his thing.

Then the problems began. The munchkin’s blood sugar level started to plummet and the doctors suspected that he was not getting enough food (I should mention that he was a 10 pounder at birth…I know, labour was fun). He was put on an IV, kept in the NICU for observation, and by the second day I was presented with two options: keep him in the NICU for at least a week until my milk supply was established, or supplement with formula and be able to take him home in two days. So I agreed to supplement.

In the days that followed I ran through a seemingly endless cycle: the munchkin wasn’t latching on reliably anymore so I would spend an hour or so stubbornly trying to get him to nurse, after which I would give him a bottle (he was downing a 2 oz bottle in 10 minutes…crazy!) then pump for half an hour. And of course this was repeated every 3 hours, 24 hours a day.

It’s no wonder that I was a wreck by the time we saw our family doctor for his one week checkup. He asked how I was and I burst into tears.

“Sure, breast is best, but no baby has ever died from drinking formula,” he said as I sobbed (embarrassingly) uncontrollably.

Hello common sense. Between the sleep deprivation and the raging hormones, I had missed the obvious – he was going to be okay no matter what. It sounds ridiculous now, but I had bought into the idea that I was a failure and that if I gave up on breastfeeding it was somehow going to hurt him. I was afraid we wouldn’t bond (although shoving my boob in his face while he screamed and cried hardly seemed to be bonding). And I was afraid of being judged, because lets face it – other moms can be harsh (I could write a whole post just on this alone…and I probably will!).

So with strict orders to cut out pumping so I could get some sleep, I decided I would let whatever was going to happen happen. And wouldn’t you know it, at 3 am that night, as I picked him up out of his crib, did the little bugger not nestle into my chest, mouth open, and latch on all by himself.

So while I have never been able to fully “catch up” to his appetite, I’ve continued to nurse him (6 months and counting). Some people may judge me for continuing to supplement, but we’re both happy (and sane), so who can argue with that.

Stranger Danger! 8 Bizarre Comments and Parenting Gems from Total Strangers

I’ve never really been one to chat with strangers, but I lost any choice in the matter as soon as I had the munchkin. Apparently, if you have a baby with you when you’re out and about, you may as well be carrying a sign that says “Advice Wanted” or “Tell Me How I’m Doing”.

And so, I present 8 bizarre comments and parenting gems from total strangers:

Don’t put sunglasses on your child, the darkness is bad for his eyes.
Apparently UV rays and glaring brightness are good for his eyes.

He really should be wearing shoes.

Yes. My 3 month old would be running all over the place if only I had remembered to put on his shoes.

Isn’t he going to be cold?

No matter what we dress our child in, apparently it is never enough for our “frigid Canadian winters”. Maybe if he was wearing two snowsuits and a parka…

Isn’t he going to be hot?
Sigh…

Dip his pacifier in rum, that will ease his teething pain.

This one is usually met with the awkward laugh and nod combination. Yeah. I’m going to give him rum.

She’s a cutie – what’s her name?
A woman asked this while I was out with my son. On the one hand he was only a few weeks old, so it’s hard to tell gender just by looking. On the other hand, he was wearing this:

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Boys Rule!

Ahhhhhhhh!
An old woman actually shrieked and scurried away onto the grass in terror once as the munchkin and I passed her on the sidewalk.  Of course she assumed we were going to run her down with the stroller, but that’s just crazy.  Old people are hardly worth any points.

I think he’s hungry.
Thank you random stranger for being so attuned to my baby’s needs. Should I whip out my boob while we’re waiting in line to pay for our groceries? Or show you the bottle he just finished?

What stranger stupidity have you been subjected to? Post your stories below so we can all laugh and roll our eyes at them!